Winter. Spring. Blanck & White. Contrast.

“Earth teach me to forget myself as melted snow forgets its life. Earth teach me resignation as the leaves which die in the fall. Each teach me courage as the tree which stands all alone. Earth teach me regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring." William Alexander

"There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.” Charles Dickens

I realized that I have been experiencing a lot of contrasts lately. It's been a long winter in Boston. We've had record snowfall with lots and lots of shoveling. I don't hate snow, I actually enjoy the seasons in New England, but it can test your patience when it's week after week of snow piling up with no place to put it. That along with some of the incredibly ugly things happening around the world had me feeling some pretty low lows. Winter blues started to take on a different tone this year and I was having trouble working through it all.

I do feel that without the bad, in contrast you can't appreciate the good. I mean without winter do you really appreciate when spring finally arrives? There is beauty in all the stages but we have to be wise enough to trust and know that it will pass. Without the lows you can't appreciate the highs and everything in between. It is a process and a cycle just like nature.

I've actually been wanting to photograph this outfit for some time. Once I got through some of the mental block that had been piling up, I mustered up the courage and just did it. It felt sooo amazing to do this little outfit post for ME. The mind can tire you out and it's important to do things that make you feel good. Things that help you to let things out and express whatever it is inside. For me it's dressing up, putting colors and textures together and creating art on my body. In those moments I can let go and play. What good are you to the world if you're constantly in a negative state of mind?

This outfit was inspired by winter and the awakening of spring. I had fun doing the makeup with this one with pops of pink and yellow. Speaking of contrast, I've been wearing a lot of black and white lately. I was excited when I found this very in trend checkered print vintage dress while thrifting! The outfit is almost all thrifted by the way besides the boots and the jewelry. This scarf is just my favorite ever and I thrifted it last year when Jean from Drossintogold came up to Boston. She gave me some lucky energy that day ;) I'm just sooo in love with the Russian/Eastern European floral prints and I'm not sure if I'll ever get over them. I did an entire editorial with them with an amazing team but it will be some time before I can share anything. The necklace was very kindly gifted to me by Alina of Zamarut Jewel and it added just the right touch of tribal energy along with the ring from Avizeh Jewelry.

My husband Anthony was kind enough to take these for me in the freezing cold. Thankful <3

Fringe coat: Otello Pelle Vintage thrifted
Belt: thrifted unknown
Checkered black and white dress: Appleseed's vintage thrifted
Moto vest: DIY cut jacket thrifted
Boots: Steve Madden Marshalls
Scarf: thrifted unknown - has a stamp on it with 1992 but I can't make out the name
Necklace: Zamarut Jewel
Large blue ring: Avizeh Jewelry
Small round ring: cart in Boston commons
Lipstick: Wet N Wild Liquid Lip Color in Back to the Fuchsia

How has your winter been? How do you overcome the not so pleasant sides of life??

MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!
XO
Feda

Reflections on Change

In my sophomore year of high school I randomly decided to switch high schools. For one reason or another, I felt like I didn't fit into the high school I was in. There were other superficial reasons that I would give my friends/family but deep down I felt I needed a change of scenery. It happened quickly. I didn't give it much thought. I just did it.

It was that year at my new high school that I took an art class to fill space in my schedule. I enjoyed art in middle school so I thought why not? I still remember drawing a still life of a vase with flowers. I was sketching but I wasn't very good at it. I was consumed with thoughts about how it was supposed to look. I was a bit frustrated so I asked my art teacher how to draw the petals that sort of looked like they were coming at you. They didn't curve to the side like the image in my head of a flower. She said don't THINK about what it's supposed to look like, just draw. Draw exactly what you SEE. At that moment I felt a deep connection with the flower. I didn't see it as a flower, it was shapes, lines, shadows, and shades. I was seeing it in a different light. Not for what my mind wanted it to be, but for what it was. It's essence. I felt it come alive as it was coming to life on my paper. I was tuning into something much greater than me, from one life to another.

I found out soon after I met my teacher that she was also going through her own changes. She had been the director of the art program for many years and wanted to return back to her rural roots to spend the rest of her years teaching. I was really sad that she was leaving. I had grown quite a bond with her in those few short weeks. It was through her that I first felt the power of an outlet for self expression. The power of living in the moment, and of creating from a place deep within. I learned how to express my unique colors. The power of feeling something much greater than you channeled into art.

I think I had told her, wow that's a big change, and she said to me, well the only constant thing in life is change. It was hard for me to accept but at that moment I had an awakening through her words. We don't often notice when things are changing until they actually change. Before the change there's pain, there's resistance, and clinging to the known. Why would we want to face the unknown? We hope that with change comes growth, and intuitively I think we know when we need change. Just as I knew I needed to make that switch from one school to the other. Although she moved on, her essence remained with me. I appreciated the wisdom she left with me. Looking back, the sequence of events seems to fit like a puzzle. If I had never switched schools, I would never have taken that art class, and I would never have met such an inspiring woman who would affect my life so much so that I still remember those moments so richly. That those words, I would carry with me forever.

Change is scary but when I feel it stir within me it's an emotion I can recognize now. It's an overwhelming feeling of excitement and fear all in one. If we're not changing, we're not growing. It's usually not so sudden. Change stirs within us for long periods. It causes tension, heightened emotions but ultimately it is the exact thing that needs to happen. The evolution of self.

My thoughts are scattered in this post. I'm expressing something but I'm not yet ready to talk about it in a public way. I consider this blog as a diary of photos, life, and self expression. The reality of others reading it still hasn't sunk in all the way. I'm the type that can't help but express how I feel. I like being honest. I like sharing vulnerable moments because I think it's important to be human. That is sort of what keeps me writing even when there's an audience.  I'm writing this to reflect but also in the hope that these reflections help anyone out there that is going through their own changes.

Something I've been reading to myself lately is this quote that my dear friend sent me, that her friend sent to her. (Thank you Dina and Hanan if you are reading!) I think it describes change beautifully.

“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.”

Alice Walker, Living by the Word

How beautiful right?! When I went out to take a photo for today's post everything was covered in snow. Yes, we had more snow today. I was looking for something to signify change, something blooming. Well nothing was growing. It was all dead, except for this tree with branches that were starting to bud. Yay! Thank you tree! This tree grows the most beautiful flowers. It looks so magical in the spring. I just love this little bud recreating intself into the world. Again, how beautiful, because although life is full of struggle and change, it still remains beautiful in one form or another.

Happy change everyone.
Much love <3
Feda

Feda in the City: Spring is in the Air!

Took a trip into Boston to get a shot for the Emirates contest. Standing in front of the tallest building in Boston, the John Hancock Tower. I was feeling bright and cheery for spring so crazy color lady came out ;)

Photos taken by Anthony!

Happy Monday!
XO

Outfit Details:
Patterned scarf/turban: thrifted
Red Scarf: Target (gift from my sister)
Orange dress: thrifted by Calypso
White Jacket: thrifted by TCEC
Necklace: Spain
Tights: hand me downs
Boots: TJ Maxx