Branches. Reaching. Releasing.

 

Dark Wings

Your deepest presence,
Is in every small contraction and expansion.
The two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as bird wings.

Rumi

This quote is really where I'm at these days mentally. Trying to just be, and to feel my essence in everything I do. Breathing is such a miraculous thing I often take for granted. It is not only necessary for living but for maintaining balance. I've been getting back into yoga and the instructor often tells us to focus on our breath during the more strenuous poses. It's crazy how well it works, even when you feel you're about to fall apart. I'm trying to incorporate this more into daily life as well and this quote is such a beautiful way to think about the present moment. I've always had a thing with birds and wings <3

Black has felt like home to me lately. Which is so different for me because I never used to wear it at all, but I'm enjoying the feeling of change and experimentation. I dress to my mood and what I'm intuitively drawn to. I love that this top literally made me feel like I had wings. I'm reading this book called, "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. Today I read such a beautiful passage about a duck. It was describing how humans tend to cling to the past in an unhealthy way. He talked about how ducks sometimes get into short quarrels. They do their thing, figure it out, and then each duck flaps its wings and returns to being, like nothing happened. The process of the duck flapping its wings is sort of its release from the moment. It's letting go of what happened and by the time it lands it's back to just being. I see this happen with my birds too. They have these momentary quarrels and then they're back to their playing, flying, eating, and chirping in a second! He goes on to talk about how our memories are there to help us learn from our mistakes and to grow. They are not there to trap us into a mental prison that prevents us from living and being present/happy.

So back to the outfit. These pants are really strange and I'm aware that they are saggy in the crotch area looool. They are meant to be worn under a traditional Pakistani outfit but I decided to experiment and wear them like this. Even though it looks weird, I still think it's funky as hell! When I worked with stylist Nicole from this shoot, she did something similar in one of the outfits and I've been wanting to experiment with pants like that ever since. I'll be hunting for some the next time I go thrifting for sure.

I really enjoyed the release of dressing up in these colors and feeling the wind beneath my "wings" in this kimono cover up thingy. By the way, this is my first sewing clothing creation!!! I took a few sewing classes with my mom and I finally learned how to sew. (If you're in my area check out In Stitches Sewing) I'm really happy with how it came out and it was super affordable for my low budget style. It took me a few hours but the actual design is easy to make because it's basically a box! We used a pattern she had and modified it to what I was looking for. It was a bit too baggy looking and my teacher suggested sewing a line on the sides to slim it down, instead of taking it in, so it wouldn't loose the wing effect. I'm glad we did that because those wings are my favorite part.

Stay present!

Feda

P.S. Let me know if you want a post on how to make something like this. It's very beginner friendly :)

Outfit Details:
Winged kimono: Handmade with love.
Turban: Scarf wrapped like a turban by Lucky Brand from TJ Maxx
Button up shirt: H&M
Pants: Hand me down
Ballet Flats: also Lucky Brand from TJ Maxx
Chunky Turquoise Necklace: Tibetan shop 
Hamsa necklace: Pendant from Michaels craft store and I added the chain and painted the stone turquoise.
Little turquoise spike/pendant H&M
Sometimes people ask me about my lipstick. This is a Wet N Wild pencil in Mink Brown with a Wet N Wild matte lipstick in Mocha-licious in the center and blended out to make the pencil more creamy. It comes out like a really dark brown with some reddy/cool/brown in the center. I love this combo!

Inspired: Florals!

Sources from L to R, T to B. 1- unknown 2- Anthony Nocella for Free People 3- Photographer: Begum Yetis 4- Susanne Bisovsky 5- Deborah Shea Doyle for Faces of Egypt 6- Photographer: Armin Morbach 7- unknown

I'm starting a new series on the blog called INSPIRED! I find inspiration everywhere and in everything. That's part of the reason my blog is called what it is because I like to take inspiration from different places. I find inspiration in emotions, light, color, patterns, nature, stories and I hope to share that in this series. I'm a big pinterester for that reason! It helps me organize my "thoughts". My pinterest account is fedfooda if you're interested in following me :)

Floral is something I always come back to for inspiration in my clothing. Lately I've been really in love with the Russian babushka style scarves. I love the vibrant color in the roses and the intricate ethnic feeling details that bring you back to an older time. In the past I've worn floral in a bright and bubbly way but I've really been into black and white and an overall darker mood these days. I'm looking forward to exploring and experimenting with a darker floral experience this spring and summer.

Are any of you enjoying floral prints? How do you incorporate them into your personal style?

Stay inspired,
Feda

Reflections on Change

In my sophomore year of high school I randomly decided to switch high schools. For one reason or another, I felt like I didn't fit into the high school I was in. There were other superficial reasons that I would give my friends/family but deep down I felt I needed a change of scenery. It happened quickly. I didn't give it much thought. I just did it.

It was that year at my new high school that I took an art class to fill space in my schedule. I enjoyed art in middle school so I thought why not? I still remember drawing a still life of a vase with flowers. I was sketching but I wasn't very good at it. I was consumed with thoughts about how it was supposed to look. I was a bit frustrated so I asked my art teacher how to draw the petals that sort of looked like they were coming at you. They didn't curve to the side like the image in my head of a flower. She said don't THINK about what it's supposed to look like, just draw. Draw exactly what you SEE. At that moment I felt a deep connection with the flower. I didn't see it as a flower, it was shapes, lines, shadows, and shades. I was seeing it in a different light. Not for what my mind wanted it to be, but for what it was. It's essence. I felt it come alive as it was coming to life on my paper. I was tuning into something much greater than me, from one life to another.

I found out soon after I met my teacher that she was also going through her own changes. She had been the director of the art program for many years and wanted to return back to her rural roots to spend the rest of her years teaching. I was really sad that she was leaving. I had grown quite a bond with her in those few short weeks. It was through her that I first felt the power of an outlet for self expression. The power of living in the moment, and of creating from a place deep within. I learned how to express my unique colors. The power of feeling something much greater than you channeled into art.

I think I had told her, wow that's a big change, and she said to me, well the only constant thing in life is change. It was hard for me to accept but at that moment I had an awakening through her words. We don't often notice when things are changing until they actually change. Before the change there's pain, there's resistance, and clinging to the known. Why would we want to face the unknown? We hope that with change comes growth, and intuitively I think we know when we need change. Just as I knew I needed to make that switch from one school to the other. Although she moved on, her essence remained with me. I appreciated the wisdom she left with me. Looking back, the sequence of events seems to fit like a puzzle. If I had never switched schools, I would never have taken that art class, and I would never have met such an inspiring woman who would affect my life so much so that I still remember those moments so richly. That those words, I would carry with me forever.

Change is scary but when I feel it stir within me it's an emotion I can recognize now. It's an overwhelming feeling of excitement and fear all in one. If we're not changing, we're not growing. It's usually not so sudden. Change stirs within us for long periods. It causes tension, heightened emotions but ultimately it is the exact thing that needs to happen. The evolution of self.

My thoughts are scattered in this post. I'm expressing something but I'm not yet ready to talk about it in a public way. I consider this blog as a diary of photos, life, and self expression. The reality of others reading it still hasn't sunk in all the way. I'm the type that can't help but express how I feel. I like being honest. I like sharing vulnerable moments because I think it's important to be human. That is sort of what keeps me writing even when there's an audience.  I'm writing this to reflect but also in the hope that these reflections help anyone out there that is going through their own changes.

Something I've been reading to myself lately is this quote that my dear friend sent me, that her friend sent to her. (Thank you Dina and Hanan if you are reading!) I think it describes change beautifully.

“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.”

Alice Walker, Living by the Word

How beautiful right?! When I went out to take a photo for today's post everything was covered in snow. Yes, we had more snow today. I was looking for something to signify change, something blooming. Well nothing was growing. It was all dead, except for this tree with branches that were starting to bud. Yay! Thank you tree! This tree grows the most beautiful flowers. It looks so magical in the spring. I just love this little bud recreating intself into the world. Again, how beautiful, because although life is full of struggle and change, it still remains beautiful in one form or another.

Happy change everyone.
Much love <3
Feda

Feda in the City: Spring is in the Air!

Took a trip into Boston to get a shot for the Emirates contest. Standing in front of the tallest building in Boston, the John Hancock Tower. I was feeling bright and cheery for spring so crazy color lady came out ;)

Photos taken by Anthony!

Happy Monday!
XO

Outfit Details:
Patterned scarf/turban: thrifted
Red Scarf: Target (gift from my sister)
Orange dress: thrifted by Calypso
White Jacket: thrifted by TCEC
Necklace: Spain
Tights: hand me downs
Boots: TJ Maxx

Hazy Landscapes Part II

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi

Hazy Landscapes Part I

“Be empty of worrying.
Think of who created thought!

Why do you stay in prison
When the door is so wide open?”
― Rumi

We went up to the Vermont/Newhampshire area for the weekend to ski and enjoy the scenery. Winter is beautiful up there. I have such a love hate relationship with winter ever since I experienced winter up north. The snow covered mountains just take my breath away!

I didn't take too many photos on this trip. I took a lot on my phone and posted on instagram if you want to check those out. I mostly wanted to take it all in and relax but we did a whole lot of driving back and forth so I decided to experiment a bit with the camera while in motion. I let the shutter speed drag a bit and because we were already moving it created a hazy/moody feeling. I wanted to capture an emotion and not necessarily a perfect image. I've been in an imperfect state of mind lately. Letting things flow and be as they are. I loved taking these! It was a good release. I had fun exploring the colors in the sky and the shapes of the trees and mountains. SO SURREAL! For REAL!

XO
Feda

P.S. I will now be uploading posts every Monday and Thursday!!! I've tried the whole do as you feel thing and I feel like I need some structure to help me continually create and work. The old way wasn't working so I'll try this out and see how it goes. When something isn't working you have to change something! Change is good. It keeps you moving.  I'm really excited to see what I can come up with. If there's anything you would like to see or if there's certain posts you want more of, please do let me know. I appreciate any feedback :)